Life is full of transitions.
I talk to people every day that fear change; this fear causes anxiety and sometimes depression. The problem with change is that when we fear it, what we really fear is the loss of control. When we feel that we are not in control, and things are happening to us instead of us controlling the situation or events, we get anxious.
There are all kinds of transitions in life. If I brainstorm the transitions in my own life, the list would include:
Going to School
Graduating from High School
Going away to College
Parents move out of state
Transferring College to another state
Graduating from College
Starting jobs, changing jobs, being fired from a job
Relationships with friends
Relationships with boyfriends
Buying a house
Selling a house
Children Going to School
Moving away and leaving family
Being in a blended family with stepchildren
Children graduating, going to college, moving out
Having two kids after 40
And the list continues…
My point is that life is continually changing and full of transitions. Many are expected and carefully executed, and many are not. Many are happy experiences, some are devastating.
It is not the fact that life is full of transitions but rather how you manage change in your life. Mindset is the single most important factor in how change is processed in the brain, in the body, and in our outlook on life. Mindset is how you view the world.
There is one mindset shift that I have made that has made the biggest impact on how I process change and transition. This shift is taking personal responsibility for everything in my life.
Do you take personal responsibility or do you place blame on others?
Placing blame is the easy way out and has the most detrimental consequences.
Taking personal responsibility gives you power. I don’t always mean personal responsibility for what happened, rather taking responsibility for your actions and reactions.
It gives you the power to accept your role in any negative transition. It gives you the power to change your outlook and to change your reaction in order to change in the future.
Since I am a Counselor specializing in Divorce, let’s talk about that transition. In most relationship breakups, blame is placed on one person by the other.
If we look at our own piece of responsibility, we can look at the relationship through a different lens.
If you are feeling all of the blame, realizing that one person cannot possibly be 100% responsible for the breakup of a relationship can alleviate some guilt. The word relationship is about more than one person. One person does not make it work; one person does not break it.
If you are the one placing blame, accepting your own role in the break up can empower you and help you to forgive yourself and your partner.
By taking personal responsibility you can more easily evaluate the factors that affected your relationship. It will be easier to process your feelings which often include shame, fear, anger, loss, and isolation.
It will help you to understand yourself so that you can be who you are deep inside. The perfect, incredible person you truly are.
We all have faults, we are after all human. When we know who we are we can accept our quirks, differences, imperfections and in turn accept the same in others. Only then, can we form healthy relationships that are full of change and transition.
If you would like to delve further into taking personal responsibility for your own life transitions, I would love to work with you to help you ignite your incredible!